I love black thongs
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
