thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
