If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
