i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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