I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
