You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
