If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
