It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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