talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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