I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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