im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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