she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize