2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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