come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
