Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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