hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize