Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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