We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
