Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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