So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
