I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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