you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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