We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
be right there i have to get my cape
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
