New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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