She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
