I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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