Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
