is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
