I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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