we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she told me i tasted like america
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
