summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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