i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
