The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
