I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's blow job season.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
