So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
