How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
