Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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