no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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