I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
