How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
