Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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