Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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