Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
