I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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