Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
