My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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