You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
