There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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