and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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