The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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