Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
