he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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