I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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