Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
