Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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