Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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