biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
