Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
