She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
